Yesterday, I was just having one of those days… I was over-tired, a bit stressed out, and frazzled like only a girl can be. Normally that means I’ll have an ‘ugly day’, in which I pester my husband with questions like “am I ugly” or “am I fat?” And he assures me that I don’t look any different than I had looked yesterday, to which I reply, “So was I ugly and fat yesterday too?”
Nate has learned that he just can’t win during such moments. If I want to cut two circles into a paper bag for eyes and throw the bag over my head while I’m cooking dinner, he’d better just let me. Arguing won’t do any good. Neither will trying to convince me that I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever set eyes on. #1 — His not agreeing with me only frustrates me, because it’s ignoring my insecurities. #2 — His agreeing with me would make me cry. I don’t pretend to believe that this entire process is fair, but he did promise to love and cherish me for good and for bad (which I think could translate into beautiful or ugly days).
Yesterday, however, my exhaustion did not mold into an ugly day. I was too busy to see myself in a mirror even once, so I could have looked like Frankenstein’s wife and not have cared. So instead, I convinced myself that –someday — I will be a bad mother. And this was based on how unruly my two fur-babies are. Yes, I admit it. My cats have absolutely no manners.
It felt as though I were tripping over them all evening. They ran around as fast as possible, jumping off of bookshelves and hiding in the bathtub. The black cat decided he was hungry, so — before I knew it — he had ripped his way into his snack bag and eaten every single treat. Great, my kids are going to be obese. And the gray cat sat on the kitchen table (which is he so not allowed to do) and knocked off every single pen, piece of paper, and glass (thankfully plastic) before I could stop him. They slept on Nate’s uniform until it was covered in hair and completely unrolled the paper towels.
I suddenly wished that they were children so that I could send them to their rooms and make them think about all the bad things they had done. But they’re cats. So all I could do was feed them supper and then let them take their naps on my lap while I wrote on my laptop.
So in all my exhaustion, I was convinced that trying to raise children would prove impossible. But then I came to the realization that I don’t have kids yet — nor are we planning on having any in the very near future — so I have time to train my cats. And then I’ll know that I can be a good mom.
What can I say… Sometimes being a girl just doesn’t make sense.