Change

Life is an endless stream of change.  I kind of like to compare it to New England weather.  If you don’t like the way things are going, just wait a day and it’ll be completely different.  And people handle this change differently. There are the people who embrace the change.  And then there are the people who try to ignore change… and focus on changing everyone else’s lives, because that’s more fun.  🙂 

And so comes a life lesson.  You can’t let people push and pull you in all different directions.  You need to know where you’re going or at least trust that God will lead you there.

Now I was naive when Nate and I got married, because I thought that our marriage would satisfy people for awhile.  For the four years Nate and I dated, we had our own little fan club who seemed to be placing bets as to when he’d ‘finally’ propose.  I heard everything from “do you think he’s afraid of commitment” to “you need to encourage him because your clock is ticking.”  I didn’t ever admit that I was the ‘problem’ and that I had told Nate I wanted to graduate from college and get settled into a job before we even thought about marriage.  Most of the fan club members were older women and older women tend to like Nate a lot.  I figured they’d be easier on Nate than me.

But the time finally came, and we had our beautiful wedding.  And I think we both kind of sighed in relief that the big moment had passed and now we could enjoy a quiet life together.

That lasted for the honeymoon.  Then we came back to reality.

I now know that people don’t want to rush you into marriage because they want to see you together for always, or because they want you to have them over for dinner once a month, or even because they love weddings.  No, they want to rush you into marriage for one thing — babies.  They want babies.  It has absolutely nothing to do with you.  Period.

Now Nate and I have decided to wait a few years before having kids, for several reasons.  And people are just down-right frustrated.  I mean, we made them wait four years for a wedding.  Now we’re making them wait years before giving them babies?!?  How selfish could a young couple be?  It’s like we think our lives revolve around us or something. 

And so our ‘fan club’ likes to remind us that they had about seven kids by the time they were our age.  And that we’ll be old exhausted parents if we wait too long.  And that my eggs are all dying (which makes me kind of miss the ‘your clock is ticking’ comment). 

And heaven forbid I get sick.  Because while I’m sitting in the bathroom next to the toilet, ready to lose all dignity and self-respect, everyone present is having a mini party and planning out a baby shower.  I’ve learned that the flu is off-limits if I’m at a family event or a church function.  If I absolutely cannot fight it, then I scream ‘migraine’ and run for the car.

I can’t even admit I’m sick when I’m home.  Nate is getting paranoid.

Just the other day, I told him I felt nauseous.

“Are you pregnant?” he asked, his eyes wide.

“No, are you?” I asked.

That settled that question.  (And as we burst into laughter, it just proved that laughter — and a positive outlook — really is the best way to go about things).  🙂

 Such are the joys of being a young couple who has been married for just about two years.  🙂   We’re learning to make decisions as a couple and to stick with them.  And the good news is that when our time does come, we’ll have plenty of baby-sitters.  😉

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7 Responses to Change

  1. theclambroll says:

    I feel your pain!! We’re almost at three years, and my mother in law’s head is likely to explode every time I go to her house and have a glass of wine (thus squelching any hopes that she may have had for that visit).

  2. jelillie says:

    An absolutely hysterical post Nicole. I’m still laughing 8-). But I am sorry for your trial. Just a quick note though about all those babysitters. Your family will surely stick with you through thick and thin… but the rest? Once the bouncing bundle of baby joy they so longed to see you with comes they all return to the shadows from whence they came.

  3. justmarriedgirl says:

    Oh my goodness. You do not need this kind of pressure! Enjoy your freedom and enjoy your marriage. I have been married for only a year, and I am OLD, so I feel a little more haunted by my “dried up eggs,” but you have time. In the movie Eat Pray Love (and maybe the book, but I didn’t read it), the main character asks her friend how she knew she was ready to have kids, etc. Her friend tells her: “It’s like deciding to get a tattoo on your face. You’d better be pretty sure.”

    I think that seems like pretty good advice!

  4. Aly says:

    I feel ya! I did a post about this a few weeks ago. It never ends!!

  5. Abby says:

    You can do it when you’re ready. 😀 I love this post. A recently married friend came back to visit, and I felt bad for her because everyone in our church was asking her when she was going to have a baby. She’s only been married for about a year, I think. And it’s definitely wrong to have a baby just because everyone expects you to. =)

  6. Krista says:

    Oh boy. Before Ty asked me out, his dad had been bugging him for awhile to find someone and settle down because he wants grandkids. 😛 Since we’re engaged, he isn’t anxious at the moment, but I’m worried about what will happen once we’re married. LOL. Just keep firm in your decisions as a couple! Honestly, it isn’t their business, it’s YOURS.

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