Working It Out… Together

Until I got married, I had never given any thought to the snooze button.  If I needed to be up for 6am, I would set my alarm clock for 6 am.  Makes sense, right?

Well, there are people out there who believe that if they need to wake up for 6am, they should set the alarm clock for 5:30 am… and then hit the snooze button three times throughout the course of the next thirty minutes.  How do I know this?  I married such a person.

Do you know what’s worse than waking up to the shriek of an alarm clock in the morning?  Waking up three times to the shriek of an alarm clock in the morning.  By that third alarm, I was always ready to grab the alarm clock and throw it out the window.  Or maybe at my husband.  But that wouldn’t be very nice…

And so enters the lessons of communication and compromise.  In my mind, I was in the right, and I just knew that we would wake up feeling much more refreshed without the snooze button.  So my first instinct was to incorporate a ‘No Snooze Button’ ban.  But there’s one problem with this logic:  I made the decision completely based on my feelings and conclusions and completely disregarded my husband and his views. 

It’s really easy to do.  I always thought that our decisions would be discussed openly and thoroughly, but there are just times that I just want my way.  And it isn’t easy to consider Nate’s views.  But I’m learning — more and more — that marriage is all about giving a little and getting a little.  It’s not about me, but it’s about us working it out together.  Sometimes, you do need to put your loved one first and realize that they deserve the end result just as much as you do. 

I’ve realized that as Nate and I learn to do this, we fall even more in love.  We feel closer.  Selfishness dissolves into pure joy at seeing the other person happy. 

That said, I will admit that we’ve been nearly married two years and the snooze button is no more.  I easily solved the issue when we moved into the new house.  I picked the side of the bed with the alarm clock. 

Bye, bye Snooze Button. It was nice knowing you. 😉

Do you have a hard time ‘being fair’ in your relationship?   How about with friends?

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82 Responses to Working It Out… Together

  1. I love this post, because it rings so true for married couples as well as friendships.

    I also love that you found the solution to the snooze button…haha. :mrgreen:

  2. Jeannine Como says:

    We solved the problem by putting the alarm clock on the other side of the room. That way we have to get out of bed to shut it off. Once out of bed——–oh well!

  3. As for me, I long for the days of the snooze button. Because these days, I no longer have the ability to push a button to capture a few more winks of sleep; instead, I have children!

    😉

  4. flyinggma says:

    Great post! Its important to compromise and consider others in decisions in all walks of life. Especially in marriage.

  5. Jill says:

    Hey! Your blog looks like mine!! 🙂

    Luckily my husband and I both are of the snooze-button-loving variety, so it’s all good at my house. We’ve been married for 14 years now, and stuff like this still comes up! Every day is a new adventure and sometimes a new challenge, but it’s totally worth it!

  6. Love this:) It is so easy to think because it makes sense to you, it is the right way. That’s what I love about marriage: seeing your own selfishness truthfully and growing into a more selfless person, day-by-day. Glad you found a “compromise” in the end!

  7. I put the alarm clock on te other side of my room, and either I don’t rememeber getting up to shut it off, or became immmune to a blasting radio, but woke up the rest of the house…but then again- I’m not married!

  8. Cara says:

    Until I got married, I had no idea there were so many tiny variations in the ways people do things! I just assumed everybody did everything The Way–*ahem*–I mean, the way I did them. That snooze thing is one of the worst, though. Has your husband learned to get up when the alarm goes off the first time? That would be a huge problem for the snoozers I’ve known.

  9. Ariella M. says:

    I love this post. My fiance and I aren’t perfect, but I think we’re doing pretty well with how we communicate. But it took three failed relationships for me to learn now to communicate and respect the needs of the other person. I like to think that I was just practicing for the one I was meant to be with. ; )

  10. HavingMeTime says:

    thank you for sharing. I do agree with you, love grows when you think not only of yourself but of the other person 🙂

  11. I’m a snoozer but I have to wake my husband up or he won’t get up – which is a problem since he gets up an hour earlier. It works though.

  12. I really like this post. Its all about picking your battles. If we complain about the little things all of the time, its hard to distinguish when something is really important. If you pick your battles, your partner will know when you make a stand, how important it is to you.
    By the way, I’m a guilty snooze button pusher. (Good thing G1 wakes up before me!)

  13. Hilarious! I find myself lulled into submission by the power of the snooze button, but it’s pretty rare. Luckily, I’m able to wake up prior to it going off, so I just reset the alarm most of the time. Congrats on being FP’ed!

  14. Cara Bristol says:

    While big issues (children, money, in-laws, etc.) can have a effect on marriage, so can the small stuff. And there’s a lot of small stuff to get deal with when you first get married. It’s nice when there’s a simple solution.

    One issue my husband and I had was whether to turn on the bathroom light when we got up in the middle of the night. I don’t like the light because it woke me up too much and I couldn’t get back to sleep. He liked the light so he could see, but the spill-over into the bedroom would wake me. Simple solution: nightlight in the bathroom. He has enough light to see, but it’s not enough to wake me up.

  15. Ahhh this is fantastic. Made me laugh out loud as my husband had to set the alarm for 5.45 this morning. I didn’t have to get up until 7.15.

    So… the alarm went off. He snoozed it and went back so sleep. Leaving me awake. But what was worse… was that it went off again – he snoozed it (of course)and got up and went for a shower.

    So you can guess what happened? I get woken AGAIN up to a screaming alarm whilst he showers away.

    DAMN THAT DARNED SNOOZE BUTTON

    http://www.meandmybiro.wordpress.com

  16. eweket says:

    great article. I actually like snoozes. may be, the time between the first snooze to the actual waking up time. it is my boarder of the day from the night. it is my gray line that i sweetly said bye to my sweet bed. may be, it is a guy thing. above all, i can let it go for my girl. i’d rather wake up and see her beautiful face 🙂

  17. wittywife says:

    Great post! I can’t wait to go back and read some more of your blog.

    I agree about marriage; it’s not just your own needs, but a little give and take, too.

    I think it should be 60/40 – you EACH give 60% and each take 40% (which sort of does and doesn’t make sense, but you get the point!)

    I actually started a blog recently that’s sort of similar to yours. There are lots of big picture marriage blogs out there and theoretical blogs on how to be happy in marriage, but I’m writing about the only thing I can control; me. I try to write daily about something I do for my husband, etc, because the little things really add up!

    Hopefully I’ll get some ideas from your blog!

  18. mindfulquest says:

    so true, BTW, the snooze button is bad sleep hygiene. You ruin the last 30 minutes or so of your sleep and end up feeling extra groggy. The best would be to do what Jeanie says. I am a board certified sleep medicine doctor, and thats what I always advocate

  19. mismeshell says:

    Love the post! Although I am not married, I have lived with my b/f for 8 months. I will admit, I am the snooze queen! I really don’t have to wake up until 6:45… my alarm goes off at 6am and 6:30. Why, I don’t know. Since he doesn’t wake up until after me, it does bother him. I am not a morning person by any means (anyone who knows me will tell you the same). Reading your post made me realize I need to compromise something because disturbing someones sleep is not nice. ~Maybe I can make him turn off the TV sooner before bed? 🙂

  20. Catherine says:

    Uggghhhh I hate snoozers! I don’t know if I could ever marry a snoozer. I may have to add this to my list of prerequisites for the guys I date. When you snooze for 30 minutes, you are losing 30 minutes of good sleep! And if your partner doesn’t have to be up at the same time, you are making them lose out on precious sleep too! I feel very strongly that being a snoozer, in a relationship with a non snoozer, is the first sign of a selfish person. And who wants to be with a selfish person?

    Okay, maybe I’m being a little dramatic. Or maybe online dating sites should add a line about “Snoozer or Non-Snoozer” like they have for “Smokers or Non-Smokers.” It’s as much of a deal breaker to me.

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

    http://simplysolo.wordpress.com

  21. dearliv says:

    I get up at 3:30 every morning to teach 5 am fitness classes. I set two alarms and my cell phone. My husband has learned to live with it. I endure his snoring and he my three alarm morning fire. We are still working on sharing the blankets.
    For us, it has been ten years and we are just now figuring out what you have discovered after two. You are bound for a long and happy marriage . . . congrats.

  22. So true…Seems that for two people to really be able to work every issue out together, there must be a tremendous amount of trust and patience on both ends. I find that I am always willing to “work it out together” with my husband, if (and only IF) I know in advance that I am OK with a compromised solution. However, there are some issues that don’t seem compromisable to me, and these I don’t bring up. (Which is a bad move, btw). For instance, Saturday night options – outing and BBQ in the park, or visit to the library? This I can bring to my husband and discuss together, since it’s basically a win-win. But Christmas vacation time, there are no options. My kids and I ARE flying to see my parents, three thousand miles away, spending $1000 plus on plane tickets that we don’t have…I cannot imagine how this can be compromised, so I don’t even bring up the option that we don’t go….Yeah, much work still needed in this respect…

  23. Shreya says:

    Love this post! It gave me some insight on my impending wedding, fingers crossed 🙂

  24. madimeph says:

    I am the snoozer in my relationship, and my boyfriend is the No Snooze Allowed. At any rate, I wish he would read this blog and realize I am not the only spouse out there stressing the importance of communication in a relationship! UGH!

  25. That is the fun in being married, working out solutions that suits both persons whther you get your way or not.

  26. livingeasyandme says:

    For some, it’s easier to get out through the backdoor. But I remind myself that the person is not perfect, although he’s no expert at folding clothes or cooking… and i really want to kick his sorry ass sometimes… he’s the one I chose to love… Ours work bothways through honesty, tolerance, acceptance and respect.

    And yes, I can absolutely relate that “selfishness dissolves into pure joy.” Thanks for this post!

  27. 79sparrows says:

    Excellent post! I like reading these examples of good behavior. So many couples SUCK at stuff like this.

    And seriously—the repeat ‘snooze button’ offender is hugely grating. My childhood is saturated with memories of hearing my father’s alarm-clock-radio BLAST at 5am, repeat at 5:05, 5:10, 5:15, 5:20, etc. I dont know how my mother lasted as long as she did sharing a room w/ him.

  28. Erica and Lorraine says:

    Too funny, we have the exact same situation in our house. I’m with you – set the alarm for the time you want to get up – I’m not good at snoozing. My husband likes the 20 minute snooze window which used to drive me mad. We didn’t compromise and sort it out like adults…we had kids. Now we have no need for alarm clocks at all

  29. I got engaged this year and will be a newlywed next year. I like reading this post, I truly believe in compromise.

  30. Our soultion …… Since we Get up at different Times, I have my alarm clock in which I never use snooze, and My husband has his alram clock, which he used snooze until we got our dog and now she is his “she won’t leave me alone” alarm clock after I leave. Haha

  31. delightful post. glad you’ve managed to work it out…..from someone who is a ‘hit the snooze-button 3 times’….or more person who used to be married to someone who wasn’t….clearly we didn’t work it out! 🙂 But, it wasn’t just the snooze-button that did it……

  32. sashaivette says:

    I found this funny at first because I’m one of those people that has 3 alarms, 2 so that I can be at least half up when the 3rd one rings, haha. But I can understand how annoying it is. It actually angers me to wake up period but yeah.
    Anyways, I like this post because though I’m not married, I’m in a committed relationship of 5 years and throughout those years I’ve learned how to compromise and work as a team for the better of our relationship. I also feel that my boyfriend has learned a lot as well, which is something incredibly hard to work through, and not many couples make it.
    Nice post! 🙂

  33. joshsuds says:

    Compromising is such a hard thing to do but I definitely need to get better at it before I get married. Glad you worked out the snooze button 🙂

  34. rashmi says:

    By taking the example of a simple thing as a “snooze button” u have made a powerful statement..Relationships are all about sharing , accepting, adjusting and perhaps at times tolerating each other 🙂

  35. Nathan Ross says:

    I love this post, I on the other hand am the one who has to hit the snooze button 3 times… This is so funny. I thought I was the only one. My wife on the other hand hears her alarm once, and she’s up… She never has complained however, maybe she doesnt know how to… Very interesting.

    Thanks for the post

  36. Yeah, some days you give, some days you take… you guys are off to a solid start. But, I’m with you, anyway. I don’t get the snooze button. I’d rather have the 15 minutes of solid sleep. Glad you won! May all of your issues be that easy to work out!

  37. Kennet Mio says:

    Funny how you write about that snooze-button 😀

    Thanks

  38. What’s amazing is I’ve learned, by my husband, to just trust my body clock, unless we are actually getting up earlier than we normally do, to get up without an alarm clock. It’s an anxiety for me to not be able to see the clock when I turn over in the middle of the night. But me and my hubby have learned to choose our battles as well and though it’s hard, agree to disagree. If he were exactly what I was, that would be annoying seeing that I am emotional…especially certain times of the month. 😉
    postpartumom5.wordpress.com

  39. So true. It really is about compromise and communication… although I second the poster who commented on the nullification of any alarm-related conflict after the arrival of a BABY!

  40. I hate the snooze button! It seems like that 30 extra minutes of uninterrupted sleep would be so much better then 30 minutes of a constant blaring of an alarm. I set my alarm for when I want to wake up and luckily my hubby does the same 🙂 I shared a dorm briefly in college though with this girl who would stay up until like 1:00 am studying then set the alarm for 4:00 am to study more. But she’d be so tired that the alarm would just play loudly until I yelled at her to turn it off. It drove me nuts.

  41. So nice! This is such a good example of one of the little things of marriage which people don’t think of but really make a difference! Brilliant move taking the alarm clock side of the bed!

  42. laceymichael says:

    We have this same issue in my house! 🙂 and we have kids…so its an interesting mix!

  43. jenkline75 says:

    Oh my gosh! This is my husband and I to a T. Our alarm clock actually has the ability to set two alarms. He has one set for 5:30 (in case he feels like getting going early). The other is set for 6:45 in case he wants to sleep in. So, we have alarms going off left and right. It is so frustrating.
    Thanks for the post! It helped me to laugh at ourselves a little and it’s good to know there are others sharing in my pain.

  44. joannamv says:

    So true! We both use our cell phones as our individual alarm clocks, so unfortunately your cunning solution won’t work for us 😦 I’ve learnt to sleep through whatever awful sound he has as his alarm now. Unfortunately, I might be less aware of my own alarm now too.

  45. beckyyk says:

    this is funny…i know when i sleep in the same room as my sister [she is the only one with the air conditioner in our house] she always wakes me up in the morning with her snoozing alarm. it’s so annoying hahaha.

  46. ARH says:

    As a serial snoozer, I feel your husband’s pain. This is a tricky situation though. I’m glad I live with a fellow snoozer. Hope commandeering the alarm works out :).

  47. Great post. Snooze button and a million other issues. Such a small thing, as long as the important issues are in place

  48. buzzbeecaroline says:

    Thank you for posting this! I think I might too, have a post about the alarm clock situation between my husbad and myself! I was the person that turned off the alarm clock a thousand times before finally getting up. I had to do away with that habit. As hard as it was. he was worth it 🙂

    Emily

  49. Gil says:

    Well our solution is pretty simple. Our alarm clock only has a single button. It translates to either the alarm clock is on or it’s off. There is no snooze. Unfortunately there are times that we are soooo tired that one of us will press the button in our sleep and wake up when the lil girl crawls into bed with us. Pretty much means we have about 15 minutes to get out the door >.<

  50. ttiaj3 says:

    Love the advice…Needed it in my 3rd week of marriage…I am still learning and I have been with my guy for about 4 years before we commited to marriage. I truly understand the wanting to do it my way part. Been there, but I have learned to switch it up a bit…cant wait to read more of your blog…

    Tootles!

  51. Ishana says:

    LOVE your solution!

    I lived with a girl (roommates for uni, didn’t know her before we moved into the same apartment) who had her alarm go off at 7:40am and wouldn’t get out of bed until 9am. That meant over an hour of snooze button. I ended up changing my work hours so I would start at 8am every day and avoided the whole mess altogether!

    My partner is unfortunately… less than open to discussing things. If I tried to discuss the snooze alarm, he would yell at me, insist I was wrong and he was right, and I’d end up feeling miserable in the end. Makes me wonder why we’re still together after 18 months…

    Thanks for the post, definitely great advice for any relationship, whether romantic or not.

  52. fnkybee says:

    Oh you would so hate our bedroom in the morning..I hit mine 3 times and my husband hits his anywhere from 1-10 times. I have learned to sleep through his, I don’t even hear it anymore when it goes off. But I totally understand the give and take…it is about choosing your battles and focusing on the things that really matter.
    Have a great day!

  53. sarahnsh says:

    I live with that person too, I wake up with the alarm goes off, he hits the snooze button like 5-6 times, if not more. And, I just want to strangle him because of it. I don’t want to switch positions though, I like my side better.

  54. justmarriedgirl says:

    Yay Nicole!!! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!!!

    Before I got married, I thought compromising with my husband would be so easy. But I’ve come to realize that I was just hoping he’d bend to my way of doing things. What a surprise that he had his own opinions and ideas.

    We don’t always get it right, but I have to say it’s much better when we stop bickering and start listening to one another and realizing that we are on the same team.

    Great post!

  55. jacheree says:

    HaHa. I’m a snooze button kind of person, unfortunately. Very good observations, though. My (brand new!) husband and I are both “I want my way” kind of people. We have a difficult time accepting that we may not always get our way. It makes for an interesting relationship for the past five years! And hopefully many more–we all have things to work on I suppose! 🙂 You’ve inspired me, though, to try a bit harder.

  56. Lol. My husband and I had this talk. Well, I am the person who hits the snooze button a few times…I get it and trying to fix it!

  57. wordofsoia says:

    I am the snooze button monster haha. The worse thing is in my previous relationship he too was a snooze button monster and we both hated early mornings I recall times where we consistantly hit that snooze button for over an hour in the morning – Not for the fact that we wanted more sleep but more for the fact we just didnt want to leave the bed and the comfort it held while the two of us were in it together :).

    Nowdays tho Im back to being the single one and ive actually nearly obliterated the snooze button – Nothing left worthwile to snooze about in bed when youre in it on your own .

  58. planejaner says:

    fun post….ah, married life.
    and–your blog is the same theme as mine–each time I get on wordpress, I think it’s mine up there.
    alas.
    have fun with freshly pressed!
    jane

  59. prmachine says:

    Oh my goodness you just said it my dear, said it all. lessson learned wake up with a smile and pick your battles

  60. maddiepearl says:

    We both love the snooze button. I somehow seem to tone out his alarm and he does the same with me… which is weird. It must have to do with an internal alarm or something.

    http://maddiepearl.wordpress.com

  61. My boyfriend has the alarm on his side of the bed – and it’s set to the radio, so once it goes off, we can just snooze until we HAVE to get up. Works good in some ways, bad in others.

    Nicely put. Keep up the good work, and congrats on Freshly Pressed!

    http://ishotthepilot.wordpress.com

  62. Carla V says:

    Oh, I can sooo relate to this! Your Nate is my Will!

  63. Ahhh, one more reason I’m glad to be single! 🙂 Great solution though!

  64. Kevin says:

    Hi,
    I really enjoyed reading about your situation and how you learnt to deal with each others needs. As I am one of those hubbies who doesn’t care for alarm clocks (I am actually kind of immune to them really, seem to not hear it if I am familiar with the sound of it for too long)… I can safely say that I genuinely appreciate that my wife is a fan of the Snooze Button.
    http://www.sunburntkev.wordpress.com

  65. eurybe08 says:

    Great Post! I know for a fact that we all agree that no one is perfect and we sometimes love a person because of who he/she is, for what she/he is. With flaws and all.

  66. eastbird says:

    Heheheh,, Nice entry. I’m not married but I know that if you want to get married. It means that you’re going to give up some habits from your side as well as the other side. Cuz this is the way it’s. You can’t both be matched 100%. And here in these critical points, the differences, couples need to let things for the other side and forgive things for him/her as well.

    About the snooze button. We hit it 3 times or more when we are totally dependent on it. It’s a matter of who you’re depending on, yourself or the button. From my personal experience, when i really want to wake up at certain hour. I don’t need that button. Actually, It’s something magical you don’t know how it works. I just wake up before the time or sometimes on time. I depend on the snooze button when I’m tired and feel that i’m not going to wake up…
    At the end it’s different from one person to another 😀

  67. Usup Supriyadi says:

    hai,
    i like your post. 😀

  68. Sulfonix says:

    Hahaha I loved reading this. Marriage always has problems, but I guess it’s just upto the couple on how to solve it. I’m fond of the snooze button aswell, it helps me get up for school, though I get scolded by my siblings who don’t even have to wake up until after 3 whole hours after I’m gone. Oh well 😛

  69. Sunny says:

    Awesome post ~ I love the way you solved the snooze button problem, yay! My “ex” used to have 1 alarm (actual ‘clock’ ) and two alarm radios…one in the bedroom and one in the living room, set loud to a rock n roll station ! Haha, we broke up, but that was just part of all the reasons!

  70. Kellie says:

    Me and my partner both use our phones as alarms and use different sounds. After years of living together I only wake up properly to his if it keeps going for a while (when he has left it when going for a shower), and he rarely wakes up properly for mine. It works great

  71. cathybok says:

    Really enjoy reading this blog…and how true it is that “Selfishness dissolves into pure joy at seeing the other person happy.”
    Not easy to achieve at times, but hey we’re all learning aren’t we! 🙂

  72. The Onlive gamer says:

    That sound’s so much like me and my wife. I love hitting the snooze button. My wife can’t stand it either. But I will agree with your post on marriage. It dose get better with time. We are going on ten years now, and I must say I am not as selfish as I once was, but there is always room for improvement. I am so filled with joy with my wife’s happiness and nothing can compare.

  73. vicki's views says:

    Got to say … I’m one of those people who feels more refreshed getting up if I’ve set my alarm clock half an hour early …

    I suppose it doesn’t help that I’m very lazy and therefore compensate for the fact that I won’t want to get out of bed by allowing myself to press snooze without being late!

    But as a single girl, I don’t have to compromise at the moment, but maybe one day I too will have to change my ways 🙂

  74. I’m a total snoozer and my husband isn’t. He hates waking up to my alarm all the time!

  75. Angie says:

    Love it! And I love your determination to confront issues and not cause a big ‘spoiled’ scene. Marriage is so much more than what we want. Congrats on your 2 years – and for winning the ‘right’ side of the bed!

    http://angnic.wordpress.com/

  76. dontbplastic says:

    Well, I read this and I had to post! I dated a guy for three years that lived by this philosophy. Not that he even ever needed to get up at 5am but set his alarm for 5am and then would get up with me at 7am. Two hours of my morning were spent in mere misery. And, then to make it worse he would just let it go off he wouldn’t even shut it off until I punched him so hard he had no choice! I asked him one day WHY he did this and he informed me that he wanted to work out in the morning. Not one day in 3 years did he ever get up early and work out! The last time the alarm went off at 5am was when I told him that if he didn’t get his butt up and work out or just get up that the alarm clock would be so far up his… well you get the picture. Needless to say I DID NOT marry that man! But I am glad that you guys were able to work it out, and still get those extra zzz’s!

  77. Red says:

    I’m the one who snoozes, and my husband HATES it! We’ve been married four months. 🙂

    But I can totally relate to the giving a little and getting a little. There are many, many times than Mr. Red and I will argue over something only to realize that only one of us is getting their way. Sometimes I compromise, sometimes he compromises. It all evens out in the end.

  78. funny , my greatest fear about getting married, im afraid of getting into a situation whereby we have to compromise, im a bit selfish i always want things done my way

  79. sayitinasong says:

    Isn’t it funny how most of the time the smallest things, like indeed an alarm clock, are the ones that cause the most problems in a relationship. Congratulations on two years of married bliss.. ;o)

  80. kelemta says:

    Sweet and simple post, with a good message. It can certainly be hard sometimes to work things out! Sometimes it’s difficult to get past your own desires, and other times both people are too busy trying to please the other, so nobody ends up happy… 😛

  81. Rachel says:

    I enjoyed your post and especially the honesty of this part:

    “I always thought that our decisions would be discussed openly and thoroughly, but there are just times that I just want my way.”

    As much as we want to compromise, there are times when, if we’re honest, we just want what we want. I’m a snooze button person. A repeat snoozer, in fact. 🙂 I’m glad you found a solution that both of you can live with.

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