Three questions were asked of me recently, and I decided to spread out the responses… rather than answer them all at once. (Mainly because a couple of them required a bit of thought). This is the answer to the first question. — Nicole 🙂
Dear Loving Simple Moments,
You and your husband seem really happy together. Is he the guy you thought you’d end up with?
— Sincerely, email reader
Throughout highschool and even for a part of college, some of my girlfriends had a list. THE list, actually. It was a carefully constructed compilation of traits, personalities, and goals that a man would have to possess in order to win their hearts. Some lists even had physical descriptions, right down to ‘blond hair.’ I kid you not. And when these afore-mentioned girls went on a date and felt that things just might get serious, they’d take out this master list and check off the items that described him. The funny this is that I never saw these girls dump the guy if he was slightly off; and oftentimes, the list would change a bit just so the guy would get more check-marks. And when he turned out to be just another fish in the ocean, the list would be torn up and re-written. Perfect this time. Ready for the next guy.
Me? I didn’t have a list. I had something much better. I had a picture. When I closed my eyes, I could see me and my soulmate together. Eating dinner together — by candlelight, of course — in our perfect little kitchen. Me cheering him on as he played football with the guys or packing him lunch when he decided to go camping with the wolves. He’d want to cuddle at night, but was rugged and dirty and tougher-than-tough by day. Chalk it up to my watching too many John Wayne movies and sport’s games as a little girl, but the guy in my picture looked an awfully lot like a foot-ball playing cowboy. Only he smelled good.
We’d be the perfect little couple. Happy. Content. And riding off in the sunset.
During the course of college, I did meet rugged guys who walked around in jeans and flannel shirts. Some even had a cowboy hat or two. There were also plenty of guys who’d throw the football around on the campus lawn, tackling each other in the mud. And my heart would flutter a second as I wondered, “Is that him?”
But I wasn’t in any rush to meet a guy in college, so I mostly just watched. And casually chatted. And discovered that most of these guys actually annoyed me to death.
They were loud. Sometimes obnoxious. The guys who were good at sports knew it. They hated literature classses and instead made fun of the classics… and pretty much everyone in the room reading them. They trampled on flowers, knocked things over, and their conversations revolved solely around sports, sports, and more sports.
When I met Nate, I didn’t think, “Now there’s the guy from my picture.” He loved camping and the outdoors, but he wasn’t an extreme enthusiast. He played football with the guys — and was quite good — but they were just pick-up games. More often than not, I saw him at church, so he’d be wearing a nice shirt and slacks. Not the outfit you’d wear to ride a horse. His thing was leading worship, playing piano, and singing out with an amazing voice.
The thing about Nate is that he was my best friend. We could talk for hours about a book we had read or a movie we watched. He didn’t mind chick flicks, as long as there was a good story-line. He wasn’t a crazy mountain climber, but we’d hike trails near our house and sit by the lake to chat. The only sport he cared about was football, and he preferred to watch the games on a Sunday afternoon with me. He still does. And I think my favorite thing was our conversations. I was used to having shallow conversations with guys about… yeah, you guessed it… sports. Nate was deeper. When we talked, I felt so fulfilled and happy.
Nate often teases me, telling me that I fell for the geek. But you know what, he’s not a geek. He’s smart. Talented. Much deeper than most of the guys I know. And he’s everything I need.
He loves holding me when I want to cuddle. Laughs at my silly antics, appreciates every meal I put on the table, and possesses a sensitive side that I never thought I needed. But I do. I’m a hopeless romantic girl, and I really do need a guy who hugs often. A guy who’s more than happy to hike a nature-trail with me. I need the guy who will be silly with me and not care what other people think. I need the guy who will dance with me in the rain. I need the guy who will hold me when I cry and laugh with me when I’m being a little crazy.
I love the simple, quiet things of life, and I need a guy who does too.
So did I marry the guy I thought I would? Nope. But I’m sure glad I didn’t. God really does know best!