My Husband May Have Been Abducted by Aliens

Grocery shopping.  It’s probably the one activity that I don’t generally want to do with my husband.  Whenever we plan on going together, I have flashbacks to us fighting over a bag of oreos.  It was our first fight as husband and wife, and a whole mob of elderly bystanders joined in to encourage either me or my husband to stand firm. 

“Don’t let her win this, or else you’ll regret it for the rest of your life,” one old man warned.

In fact, I’ve found that men really do stick together when it comes to their junk food.  More than once, when I’ve explained to my husband why he shouldn’t reach for that bag of chips, a complete stranger of the male gender has walked past us and whispered something to my husband.  Nate always grins.  And it makes me want to have a tantrum right then and there in the chip aisle.   

Do they not understand that we women are doing this for their own good? 

Apparently not.  And so a brotherhood forms at the supermarket, with men encouraging each other to remain strong and to fight for their chips.  And bacon.  And oreos.  And they think they’re being so sneaky about it, whispering words of encouragement to my husband while my back — and the backs of their wives — are turned.  But apparently you don’t need to be a mother to have eyes in the back of your head.  And I am oh-so-aware of the mutiny taking place every time I walk into a grocery store.

But then…

Last night, on our drive to the grocery store, Nate asked me what we were having for supper. I paused a moment, finding the strength to argue against eating at KFC on our way to the store.  But he continued with, “Because I want something healthy.”

I nearly had a stroke.

This in itself wouldn’t have been enough to cause me concern.  But then there was the whole grocery shopping experience.  My husband was grabbing two products at a time and comparing the nutrition labels.  I kid you not.  He was comparing nutrition labels and reaching for the healthier option!  And he was commenting on the amount of fat in his usual snack choices, before putting them back on the shelf.  And he was muttering something about needing to eat out less.  And about the possiblity of becoming a vegetarian for a month.  (My sister is gasping as she reads this part, I assure you). 

I kind of followed him in a daze, my eyes wide and mouth open in shock.

And then I knew that one of two things had happened.  He finally watched the movie Supersize Me as he had been planning on doing and it had a super-sized influence on him.

Or my husband has been abducted by aliens and I am currently living with an imposter.  What do you think?

Happy Friday!  🙂  Any fun plans for the weekend?

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11 Responses to My Husband May Have Been Abducted by Aliens

  1. Homestead Ramblings says:

    Yes, exactly!! I cannot tell you how many times in our 30 years of marriage I have sent my most beloved to the grocery store for milk and he came home with Doritos, Hershy Bars, Oreos, more Doritos, and the wrong kind of milk. 🙂 And for good measure he’ll bring me home a box of chocolate covered cherries that I once mistakenly told him I liked 27 years ago, and for 27 years it’s the only thing he’s remembered. 🙂 Ya gotta love them.

  2. jelillie says:

    Aliens… definitely 🙂

  3. My husband will go to the grocery store in the middle of the week and buy chips or ice cream when he has a craving, but when we go grocery shopping for the week on the weekends he will usually stay away from junk foods and stick to the grocery list.

  4. Sometimes it’s all it takes. MY ex BF finally joined me in being vegetarian after reading The Omnivore’s Dilemma

  5. allieksmith says:

    I know what you mean about men teaming up about junk food.. it is ridiculous!!!

    I totally think Nate has been abducted 😉 LOL

  6. vixter2010 says:

    Haha I hope you find the real Nate soon 🙂 Enjoy your weekend!

  7. justmarriedgirl says:

    I usually shop by myself, and I’m guilty of buying Mike lots of treats. What kind of wife am I??? Sigh. Best not to ask any questions. If Nate is on a healthy kick, just go with it!

  8. This sounds like me and MY husband! Oreos, lil smokies and Kraft cheese (out the can). Sigh……If he started checking labels I think I would wonder what had happened too!

  9. Oh yes, this is the time to get in there and encourage each step…haha! For real. Maybe we should come up with some completely awesome, wholesome vegetarian meal for Sunday night?

    (and then follow it with our cupcakes…haha.)

  10. Oh wow, definitely sounds like he was abducted by aliens… 😉

  11. Joss says:

    I so enjoy your sense of humour. Seriously, you’re either having a great influence on your hubby or……………..kidnapped by aliens more likely. hee hee.

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