There are many fun and exciting items on my Must-Do-Someday List… Like visit the Grand Canyon. Eat at the Cake Boss Bakery. Swim in the Pacific Ocean.
Getting a colonoscopy before the age of 30 is not one of them.
But here I ago anyway.
If you’ve read my blog for awhile then you know that I had some digestive issues for most of last year. And because some of my symptoms could be the result of more serious health issues, my GI doctor insisted I get a colonoscopy. (We’re hoping that the test will show nothing wrong, because all the other tests came back fine). But I suppose it is better to be safe than sorry.
Yeah, I know. Why do I get all the fun. 😉
So here I am, my stomach is completely empty, my colon was cleansed, and my taste buds were frightened away by endless cups of disgusting, clear liquids. And I can’t sleep over the sound of my stomach grumbling.
But rather than succumb to the case of grumpies that is threatening to take over, I have decided to look on the bright side.
So here is my list of 10 Reasons Why Getting a Colonoscopy is So Much Fun:
1. Hollywood stars pay big bucks for cleanses. I get mine for the cost of a doctor’s note. Julia Roberts is so jealous of me right now.
2. Patients, still whoozy from the fun drugs they’re given for the procedure, are fed raisin toast before they’re sent home. I love raisin toast.
3. My GI doctor gives out Godiva chocolates with each procedure. I love chocolate.
4. A colonoscopy for me means raisin toast AND chocolate. What did I do to deserve such goodness?
5. I’ll be ‘out of it’ for the rest of the day, thanks to those fun drugs, and will recall very little of what happened once I got home. This is great for watching movies. I won’t remember the ending by the next day, so I can watch the same movie again and experience the twists and turns for a second time… as though it was for the first time.
6. I can watch a scary movie and not have nightmares for the rest of my life. (This is Nate’s contribution to my list).
7. My stomach will be completely empty, so I will be hungry enough to eat lima beans. This could be the first — and last — time I actually want to eat them. (I don’t love lima beans).
8. If Twinkies do stay in your stomach for years upon years, then after all those colon cleansing cocktails, I’m finally rid of the one I ate at the age of six. I feel like a brand new woman.
9. I get to have a day and a half off from work. You know what they say, a bad day at home is better than a good day at the office. (Although I’m still not convinced of this yet).
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST…
10. When I play the game ‘Have you Ever’ with my friends, I will defeat them all when I ask, “Have you ever had a colonoscopy?” Oh, yeah. I win!